Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
