I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
