god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
