HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
