Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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