this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
