Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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