im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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