at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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