Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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