the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
