is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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