she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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