Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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