It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
