You smell like stripper and shame
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
