she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
