I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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