I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
