If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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