if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
