found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
