I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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