if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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