Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
