end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
