Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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