im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
