I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
