you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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