he thought i was a dude.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
