Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
