i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
