Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
