Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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