Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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