addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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