hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
