Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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