i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
