Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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