Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
