doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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