Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
