This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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