Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
