Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
