You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
