I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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