You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
