Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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