that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
